Tears in Aisle Nine

a beautiful memorial to an extraordinarily ordinary individual.

Convenient Coincidence

after much needling, my cousin has allowed me to share my thoughts on life as a gentleman in Nebraskashire. I have the remainder of the week not to fail miserably; thereafter, my opinions may warrant an occasional post.

although I accept my cousin's assessment of our relationship, I find the juxtaposition of these entries not insignificant. Mr. Caddingham's ambivalence remains unquestioned but he may harbor slightly more affection for me than he cares to admit. however, by advancing such a theory, I shall certainly reinvigorate his disdain.

Monument to an Instrumental Age

Mercy Medical Center

an appropriately utilitarian building for the commodified, and oddly ritualized, blood-letting of the perpetually ailing poor.

The Invisible Hand

it is a truth universally acknowledged that the fast food establishment preferred by certain members of the proletariat is contrary to the one enjoyed by the majority of their comrades.

having sampled the offerings of these "restaurants" and deeming both equally vulgar, the only plausible explanation for this dichotomy is the influence of Darius Rucker--clearly a non-conformist and leader in the opposition movement.

Offices on the Seventh Floor

on an errand for my mother, I suddenly realized that I had not ridden a lift in weeks.

perhaps because the grand edifices I frequent are generally much wider than they are tall. or maybe because when I occasion a visit to an organization founded on sound investments and more than adequate financing, businessmen usually descend to meet me in the lobby.

Benchmarks Preceeding One's Imminent Demise

tonight we celebrate the birth of our matron, Madame Wilhemina Eugena Thomson Caddingham.

no one knows for certain who will benefit most by her death. until her final testament reveals which of the Caddinghams she truly favors, we all attend these events and endure her vitriol.

she lavishes he who smiles most. fortunately, Mrs. Caddingham does not discriminate between forced grins and genuine goodwill (primarily because never has she experienced the latter--money and influence are not scarce enough for her to think seriously of any but herself--and knows not its hallmarks); I am anxious to ride her magnificent Friesian.

Monument to a Campanian Age

Ignorance Abroad

many believe being "worldly" requires exhaustive travels around the globe. this certainly helps. still, many return from such trips as small as before.

experience alone cannot transform an unthinking individual. those solely concerned with their own perspective will gain no insight to that of a foreign populace (likely, they will only succeed in irritating their hosts) and remain as obtuse as they were before.

obviously, I am not opposed to trips to exotic locales--a holiday at Cairns is always pleasant--but I cannot abide those who think it any more than a fantastic vacation shared with friends. to ascribe meaning to a thing so brief and decadent is tantamount to lunacy.

American Technological Sublime

the wondrous symbiosis of nature and industry, unique to the American experience.

same. on a slightly larger scale.

either surpasses the mechanical achievements of the French.

Caddingham v. Arkansington

although we own sizable tracts of land on all three habitable continents, the Caddinghams rarely take legal action to protect our property. agreements between gentlemen are swiftly and obeisantly accorded; handshakes and promises from families of good standing are altogether preferable to settlements and litigation.

however, potentially precedent-setting circumstances involving trees, easement and eminent domain require trial.

The Caddingham Estate at Arkansington

stone fence set forth by the Saxons, Visigoths or some other such ancient peoples.

Shannon Meadow. a beautiful, if fractious, feature of our property.

"...the country folks, if you asked them, would swear on their Bible that he walks. there are those who speak to having met him near the church, and on the moor, and even within this house--idle tales, you'll say, and so say I. yet that old man by the kitchen fire affirms he has seen two on 'em, looking out of his chamber window, on every rainy night since his death..."

Misboury

to reach Arkansington, one must travel through the district of Misboury.

the provincial government seems to have appropriated funds meant for public education to the Department of Roads. those fearing the contagious ignorance of rest area employees take heart in the fact that such well-maintained thoroughfares hasten one's departure.

Monument to a Victorian Age

Arkansington

I am away south on holiday. my accommodations feature no modern amenities; I suppose their absence is precisely the point of a trip to The Natural State. thus I may truly, in the words of our foreign domestics, "cargar las pilas".

I shall return in a week.

My Father's Sister's Husband's Son From A Previous Marriage

as is true of all gentlemen of elevated rank, my dear friend and most trusted adviser is also my worthiest adversary. his name is Cecil Augustus Downing. he is my cousin.

I esteem him.

and I abhor him.

Prince Valiant

each week, the newspaper carries tales of heroism eerily similar to my own experiences.I most identify with the "Prince Valiant" character. the advancing horde is, at this instant, the ever-growing pile of social correspondence and wedding invitations to which I must reply.

Something Said By Those Strange Blokes From Liverpool

any who question the Anglo-Saxon credentials of Nebraskashire need only observe a dirt road in the middle of Omaha. temperature fluctuations, spring rains, traffic and erosion have pockmarked the route.

local governors seeking reelection would do well to recognize the similarities and ameliorate the situation.

The First Presbyterian Church

vulgar. even by Presbyterian standards.