Friday, March 28, 2008

The Solarium

if I were given a Fabergé egg for each instance I told Harvey and Midge to add a solarium to their home I would have, well, that is precisely how I acquired the four I own.
it is a travesty that destitute veterans should have access to something denied respected members of the social elite.

Harvey and Midge's situation provides a tragic commentary on our increasingly authoritarian local government. these officials uphold ridiculously stringent rules for land ownership and development--a foreign investor (Anton Rezko, Esquire) gifted them the property, I fail to see the necessity of a criminal investigation.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe Said It Best

the combination of two such countervailing architectural styles leads the on-looker to the only plausible conclusion: the inhabitants are prepared to employ boiling oil in defense of their Colonial commorancy.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


though adjacent to the Peak District of Wyomingham, Nebraskashire shares none of its rugged terrain; the land slopes gently toward the Rocky Mountains--true foothills emerge just west of Nebraskashire's border.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Sandhill Cranes

blame her masculine nature or American literature's overwhelming disregard for the bucolic, Willa Cather failed to adequately convey the winsomeness of the Nebraskashire countryside.

on land or in flight, sandhill cranes move as gracefully as Greta Garbo. however, their transitions from one element to another reveal an awkward gait analogous only to my great aunt at Christmas, after she's imbibed too much wassail.

Friday, March 21, 2008

La Bohème

if pressed, I would admit that a redeeming quality of gypsies and bohemians is that they so conspicuously identify themselves. tattoos, piercings and other accoutrement allow the gentleman to recognize these individuals and avoid them as necessary.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Green Grocer

Iowhampton allows gambling most anywhere. the grocery store provides an interesting coadjuvancy; one may disport, then spend the winnings on cleaning products to rid oneself of the stench of desperation.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


my cousins display a portrait of my mother in her youth. she sat for a number of Italian masters--many of whom loved her. ultimately, she married a gentleman whose fortune and legacy guaranteed her position in Nebraskashire society.

he built for her a marble palace on a well-trafficked boulevard; on Sunday afternoons, the fashionable drove broughams on this system of parks and roadways which traversed the city. she amiably hosted these genteel revelers though few could be considered artists and none could boast the talent of even Dutch painters.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Des Moines

normally, I am quite averse to travel outside of Nebraskashire. I had to forgo such predilection upon receiving a disconsolate message from relations currently residing in Iowhampton. the arbitration of their circumstance necessitated a trip to the capital of that district; there I stayed for a few days.

my wonder at the capitol lies less in the structure than in the philanthropy of its construction. local magistrates trusted crude artisans to affix gold plating to the exterior. many of these laborers, I imagine, had neither seen nor touched the material prior to this assignment.

Friday, March 14, 2008


for once I agreed with the insufferable Countess Ellen Olenska when she said, "It seems stupid to have discovered America only to make it into a copy of another country".

despite its many faults, Nebraskashire is truly unique. the employ of Old World techniques (particularly those of the French) in city planning insults the American ingenuity I so admire and results in a rather muddled composition.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


messages of this nature appear in various forms throughout Nebraskashire. they suggest that adherence to God's will depends upon fear rather than virtue.

the people of Nebraskashire view the world as God's great Panopticon; He serves as the omnipotent warden to a sinful collection of the wrongfully accused.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The CoinStar

machine frequented by the urban poor. apparently, it transforms metallic discs (of which I know nothing) into rectangular pieces of colored paper (with which I maintain a slight familiarity).

Friday, March 7, 2008

America’s Late, Great Presidential Footnote1

1 the only President never elected to the Executive Branch was born less than half a league from the Caddingham's ancestral estate at Lake Park.

a fitting tribute to this man's legacy.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Omaha Zoological Society

an active member, I am proudest of our singular achievements in the display of our collections; everything is neatly categorized and kept at a distance--precisely like the outside world each exhibit represents.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Anecdotage of Malevolence

Edith Wharton recounts this tale of the urban elite with such ironic self-loathing that I must denounce and reject it. this award-winning literature impugns Joseph Pulitzer's allegiance to the wealthy; I begin to suspect that The Revolution shall manifest more from baseless dissatisfaction within the ruling class than from the listless masses.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Aves Columbidae

far from the bustle of Trafalgar Square, the pigeons of Nebraskashire are viewed not as pests. rather, as falcons of yore, they are bred, trained and venerated.